Braes beefs

Dear TAC,

After reading your 20 facts on Munros in TAC2, specifically comment 14, I feel compelled as a full-blooded Cumbrian to effect some verbal retaliation.

Thank Sir Hugh that there are not more than 4 English Munros! There are quite enough people walking the fells of the Lake District without hordes of marauding Scots heading south to indulge in their habit of Munrobagging.

You call them "paltry hills". The Scafells are made of far sterner stuff than the average crumbling schist lump on the Caledonian landscape. This is, of course, excepting Skye, Rum and the other Hebrides, all of which decided to take no part in it and have adopted an isolationist attitude since the end of the last Ice Age.

If you are taking any more mis-pronunciations, Bidean a'Choire Sheasgaich has been known in Cumbrian circles for some years as "Cheesecake".

I think the fanzine is excellent and hope that it will continue to stimulate bothy banter for years to come.

Yours etc

Roger Holme

Edinburgh

Ed. - TAC's spy in Albion informs me that Box Hill and Thorpe Cloud are mighty summits too. As for the mispronunciation, if your editor was Maxwelliavellian in character, he would surely take this opportunity to mention that his great unpublished masterpiece, "Walking the Watershed", includes a chapter on Sheasgaich and neighbouring Sgurr nan Ceathreamhnan entitled "Chrysanthemum and Cheesecake". But he's not, so he won't.

Dear TAC,

On my own behalf, and that of many colleagues, I write to protest about "20 things you need to know about the Munros", paragraph 11, in TAC2.

Work is the Curse of the Drinking Classes: we work one day a week, yes, mornings only!

Peace be with you,

Rev. Bill Brockie

Edinburgh.

Dear TAC,

My wife wants me to point out the resemblance between Murdo Munro and Roger Mellie's producer, Tom, in Viz. Are they by some chance related?

Keep up the good work,

Jim McNeil

Sheffield

Dear TAC,

If you can run a feature on decent pints to be had north of Callander, I for one would be extremely grateful - or is this a forlorn hope?

Steve Weatherill

Nottingham

Sir,

Just who the hell does this Perkin Warbeck fellow think he is? In fact what in Hades are all you bloody people playing at? I waded through your nasty little rag as I would wade through a pool of human ordure, i.e. with mounting anger and disgust, but was slightly mollified when I reached "Wildlife Corner" and noticed that it featured the sheep, in my view the most noble of all God's creatures. By the end of point 3 alarm bells were ringing, and after point 7 I fully realised that, in fact, the whole article was a sneaking, treacherous piece of sheepophobic propaganda cunningly masquerading as education. All l have to say is that not one of you plebian scum at TAC(ky) are fit to clean a sheep's shoes. I know, I've been in sheep for years and so have all my ancestors.

Yours disgustedly,

Lt.Col.Ambiguous-Sign (Retd.),

Big House in the Trees in a dod of Scotland that's been in the family for centuries even though we've all got English accents,

Perthshire.

P.S. - I only bought issue two of your "Journal" for the Cuillin article. Where was it?

Dear TAC,

Ref. TAC2, map, page11??!!

Otherwise excellent and long overdue publication.

Yours,

Simon Dilworthy

Ballantrae.

Ed - Okay, okay, so we used a secondhand Jackson Pollock painting.

Dear Murdo,

Perhaps with your experience you could assist me with the following quandary. Recently I was walking down a hill road in Perthshire. It was one of those dirt roads blasted through the hills by foreign landowners with American / Dutch / Arabic accents. The road is as foreign to the countryside as its owner's presence, but my quandary is not about that.

I had enjoyed a good solo day on the hill and was in no hurry to don the cagoule when a gentle rain started to fall. The rain fell evenly and there was no wind, but because of the direction the rain was coming from I was soon wet on the front while still dry behind.

A dilemma then fell over me. Should I walk at an even pace or start running and therefore, by all common sense, get less wet? Running for shelter was not an option as there was no shelter and anyway I was anxious to find my way, as soon as possible, to a certain chippie in Perth.

If wetness is measured by the number of impacts with raindrops, the question is as follows:

With an even fall of rain and no wind, does a walker become less wet than a runner who is covering the same distance?

Is there an optimum speed where the traveller can stay as dry as possible but still get there in reasonable time?

Your guidance would be appreciated and also the comments of other readers.

Best wishes,

Nick J. Aitken

Tranent

Murdo Munro replies - Let the walker be represented by a cylinder; thus:

The effect of his motion is of course allowed for by adding the negative of his velocity vector to the rain's own vector. Thus we have a hypotenuse representing the relative effect of the rain. Integrating rain flow with respect to time (zzz... that's more than enough science thank you very much - gently snoozing Ed.)

Dear TAC,

With reference to TAC2:

1. The cover - Very dangerous, don't put ideas into their heads.
2. Cycling - Too true.
3. Munros - Ditto, but you're taking on a force too powerful: just wait for a bagger's fanzine to arrive.
4. Windlestraw - Congratulations for admitting that there are hills worth climbing south of Edinburgh. Since moving here from Galashiels, I have found it somewhat tricky to convince "highlanders" of this.
5. Useless equipment - Not only the thermos, surely? I refuse to believe these pricey canteens the yuppies carry offer any significant advantage over the inside of a wine box or one of those screw-top M & S orange juice holders. And what about ski-poles, pedometers, 3lb Swiss army knives, 30lb waxed jackets etc. (Give us time... - Ed.)
6. Opinions - It's nice to hear that Scottish hills are, in fact, the perfect size. Next issue: why midges are actually better than mosquitoes.
7. Sheep - Anyone fancy joining the Sheep Haters Action Group (Gas Every Ram Section)?

And finally - Have any readers noticed the similarity between the reviewer of Muriel Gray's Munro Show and a middle-aged crawler with a bit of a crush? I wonder if he should be in any way castrated? (He already has been, hence the crawling! - Ed.)

Yours,

Adam Kightley

Bearsden

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